The answer to these questions are so deep and multifaceted. And at the risk of exposing my soul, I'm going to try to succinctly explain.
First... our truck... it was so incredibly awful. It caused tears and stress every single day. We had to get new batteries, and then the alternator wouldn't charge them. The starter fell out, so Brandon had to cut new bolts to try and fix it! And on top of that, it wouldn't start below 50 degrees, so we always had to plug it in to charge it, and warm it up. While there are parts of this truck that are great for our needs, every day I would hold back comments about how I really felt about it... and often I would actually just shut down completely: mentally and emotionally, because of the stress of dealing with it.
Second, our debt. We saved enough for us to be out of work for awhile and be okay. And to be honest, we still are okay, because we were darn good at saving. I am still not freaking out over the fact that I haven't worked in 4 months. But what I started to realize was that this lifestyle (living and traveling in a camper) would be so much more enjoyable without ANY debt. Zero. None. So now Brandon and I are on a mission to pay off ALL of it very quickly, which means we need to stay put for awhile.
Third, our marriage. This is the hardest to write about.
Brandon and I got married very young, and while I will never regret it, I am still learning. The hardest thing I've had to learn is: people change, plans change, goals change, and dreams change. I am not the same woman Brandon married 7.5 years ago, and he is not the same man. The goal of becoming a nurse is a reality for me now, but Brandon's goal of becoming a professor did not. This was a sort of crushing blow to both of us two years ago, and for some reason, it's catching up to us now.
When that happened, I began to move on with MY dreams and goals, because I could. I flitted from one thing to another, like a bird, feeling out what I wanted to tackle next. But Brandon has been searching for purpose ever since. I was just too self-absorbed to see it.
In these past two years I have definitely not been supporting him in his search for a new path in life. I suppose I thought it would just happen, that he would fall into it without my reassurance... but it hasn't.
I started to reassess my dreams and goals while traveling, and I have decided family is the most important thing (on earth). Brandon is my number one and I don't want him to be secondary to dreams of traveling. Does this make me sad? No, not at all. Because like I said earlier: people change, plans change, and dreams change. This is a part of life, and I am okay with it. In fact, I am at peace knowing that I am focused on my husband. If something happens, and I die tomorrow, I won't be sad I didn't make it down the West Coast that one time.
I also realized that I need a support system in order to become a stronger support for Brandon. Living so isolated in a camper was hard because there were quite a few times when I felt completely alone. I am not an island, and it has been easier for me to be around loving family in order to keep a positive attitude. I do not make friends easily, but I thrive on being able to talk to someone.
Brandon, on the other hand, can meet people anywhere we go. He can strike up conversations and make friends so causually... it's sorta a super power. He met a kid skiing (I was not with him), and the next day this kid is at the same restaraunt we go to for dinner, eating by himself. So Brandon asks if we can sit, and of course this kid says yes, and we all sit, and they both chat easily about... stuff! I am just sitting there trying to supress my internal stranger danger alarm and smile once in awhile, haha.
Camping in a rural woods and some hikers come across our camp? Brandon made friends with them. They would give him things, and share tips. But I digress.
Does the change in our two year plans make us failures? Does it seem embarrassing? I guess I don't think so, or I wouldn't be writing about it. But you tell me, because this blog can be a two way street of communication. 😊
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